Most Obnoxious Employee

In any workplace, there is always that one person who is just consistently annoying. Everyone secretly hates this person, but he/she is so obsessed with irritating everyone that he/she rarely picks up on the hate vibes. Have you ever wanted to be this person? Are you dying to experience what it would be like to be severely disliked by everyone in your workplace? Well then, today’s your lucky day! If you follow these three easy steps, I guarantee you can achieve the status of “Most Obnoxious Employee” in just a matter of days!

1)          Constantly Complain- Complain about everything! Complain about how much you hate your job, about how the cafeteria food sucks, about how much the hemorrhoid in your ass just won’t come out, about how Jenny Craig is a rip-off and can’t help you lose those last 3 pounds. If there’s anything you hate, complain about it. Whine it to the world. I promise, everyone is just dying to hear about your problems. If it seems like they’re ignoring you, they’re not. You just need to speak louder! Get in their face; scream it in their ears. This will definitely help get you more attention in your work environment.

2)        Be Critical- Tell everyone about their faults. You know that nobody’s perfect. But that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be trying to be! Be an honest friend in the workplace. If Deborah’s jiggly thighs could do without that huge piece of chocolate cake she’s having for lunch, make sure to obnoxiously suggest she have a salad (without ranch) instead. If she doesn’t listen, snatch the cake out of her hand, and stuff it in your mouth. Let her know you have her best interests at heart, and didn’t want her to get fat. Also explain to her that the cake was delicious, and not to worry- you ate it, so it didn’t go to waste. She may be mad, but one day, Deborah and her jiggly thighs will thank you.

3)        Practice Extremes- Never be in just a “good” mood. You need to always be in a either a terrible, depressed, awful, couldn’t-be-worse disposition, or energetically excited, bouncy and hyper. To mix it up even more, you could try assuming a multi-personality disorder. If you are always just polite and pleasant, your coworkers will eventually start to get bored with you. Try to surprise your colleagues every day! Before you walk in the door, your mood should be mystery. Your associates should be anxiously awaiting your arrival, to see what mood you are in. By being bipolar, you will make every day at work an adventure for your associates. 

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