Manscaping

            In today’s culture, it seems as though society expects guys to prove their manliness by acting like they don’t “try” at all. As soon as a guy admits to spending even an extra five minutes on his hair/clothing/hygiene everyone starts judging him and questioning the quality of his lifestyle. Funny thing is, the jokes on you judgers- women dig that kind of shit. The truth is simple: every female likes a well-groomed man.

            Now obviously every girl has specific things she likes in a guy, but overall we all prefer generally the same things. For example, if you consistently feel the need to break out your lone wolf sweatshirt and four-inches-too-short worn out jeans in the middle of January, chances are high we will not find you attractive. Chances are also high that you will have some freezing ankles and should probably be hitting up the closest store for a pair of jeans that actually fit. In addition, if your hair hasn’t been washed for the last month and is greasy enough to cook French fries on, you should consider maybe washing it, or else being single for life.

            If you’re a guy, by this point you might be singing my praises and wishing me a quality spot in heaven for telling you exactly what women want. But, being guys, it’s more probable that you are all extremely confused and befuddled- why should you cater to the likes of us females? You should be able to do what you want. Wear what you like. Act the way you want to act. I understand! You just want to live your life. But the fact of the matter is that ultimately you are going to want to settle down with a woman and start a family. Or at least, that’s what your mother wants for you.           
            So if you don’t want to live with mommy dearest breathing down your back for the rest of your life, you will eventually consider marriage. Now, most of the time, marriage is easier if you find an attractive woman. Most of the time. But putting a ring on a hot woman requires you to be a hot man. So get off your lazy ass and go work out! Get buff! Buy nice clothes! Wash your hair! Just use good judgment people. And while you’re at it- shave that disgusting beard. It doesn’t make you look masculine; it makes you look like an unkempt gorilla on growth hormones. Trim your facial hair, and maybe invest in some hair gel. It’s all part of the manscaping process.

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