Sleeping Figures

The number one thing I hate most about life is waking up in the morning. The ten (twenty on a Monday) minute transition from my warm, soft, comfortable, loving, king-sized bed to the cold and unforgiving tiles of my damned bathroom floor is definitely the hardest part of my day. Not only do I have to wake up and prepare for the awkward events of the day that are sure to follow, but I also have to try to look presentable while doing it.

After hitting, cursing at, and pleading with the snooze button on my alarm clock, it usually takes me approximately eight minutes to realize that as much as I want to, I can’t live in my bed forever. This is around the time that my legs spring into action, find the ground, and use gravity to drag the rest of my lazy body off my coconut-scented plush pillows. After entering the hellhole that is the rest of the world outside my bedroom, I eventually wake up, and everything is just peachy from then onwards. But it’s the brief transition period that really takes a toll on my health and sanity.

On the somewhat frequent occasions that my clock radio fails to wake me from my much-needed beauty slumber, I am forcibly awakened by one of my family members. Because of the emotional trauma I have had to experience in my past due to being woken up incorrectly, I feel that some form of protocol for waking someone up needs to be put into place.

First off, it is never, ever, ever appropriate to violently shake someone awake and/or yell loudly in his or her still-drowsy face. Studies and personal experience have shown that these actions lead to a rockier relationship with one’s family and friends, and also have potential to result in a variety of injuries for both parties. In addition, it is exceptionally unfitting to spray freezing water onto one’s sleeping figure, regardless of how late the sleeper is for school/work/any other seemingly important appointment.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, a sleeper should never be held accountable for any violence or rude language when they are being awakened. The awakeners should always remember that the sleepers love them, and don’t actually wish harm upon the awakeners- regardless of the ill wishes and vulgarities that may escape their lethargic lips.

With that said, one’s sleeping mind has been proven to not be an accurate representation of one’s awake and alert mind. Therefore, anything someone does in a state of slumber cannot be held liable to his or her state of mind. Basically this just means that in an extreme case, the sleeper you are trying to rouse could potentially murder you, and not be held responsible for it. Keep that in mind next time you’re aiming up your ice-cold spray bottle at an innocent sleeping figure.

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