It’s
Halloween season, which can mean a number of things, depending entirely upon
your age, morals, and originality level. For elementary aged kids (the best age
to be at, if you ask me), this time of the year means finding the best costume
to go trick-or-treating in, showing off the pumpkin-carving-induced cuts on
your hands to all your friends, and making sure that your mom buys the best
kinds of candy at the grocery store. Being under the age of 12 pretty much
gives little kids an unlimited amount of energy, and the ability to slip into a
candy-induced coma with relative ease. Not to mention free admission at the
super sketchy haunted houses.
As you get
older, however, the definition of Halloween is totally and completely altered.
Suddenly it’s not about the candy or the jack-o-lanterns anymore. For high
schoolers or “young-adults” as we are so frequently called, October seems to be
the best month of the whole fucking year. Halloween is the one day out of 365
that girls are allowed to dress like complete whores and not be called out on
it. It’s always a silent competition among sluts- how much skin can I possibly
show without being completely ass-naked? It seems nowadays that there really
isn’t a limit as to how far some sluts will go to get noticed.
Apparently,
wearing your itty bitty third grade dance recital tutu to a Halloween party is
totally acceptable- just make sure you slip on a pair of cat ears in case
someone bothers to look away from the cleavage that is bursting from your lace
push-up bra long enough to ask what you are. And please, do try your hardest to
forget that it is twenty fucking degrees outside and the only people roaming
the streets at this time are desperate forty-year-old hookers. While you’re at it,
try not to remember that this is the time of the year that most kidnappings and
abductions occur. But in all fairness, you can’t blame any pot-bellied redneck
that might pull up hoping to get a feel- he was probably about to ask you your
fee for the night, judging by the clothes you’re wearing (or not wearing,
actually).
If you are
one of the few brave souls that actually dare to make Halloween a fun and
creative night, props to you! Can’t say that I’ve seen you around lately, but I’m
sure you’re still out and about somewhere. I just want to genuinely show my
appreciation for you and your work. It’s wonderful to know that there are
actually people out there who like to dress up for reasons other than showing
off the extent of their skankiness. I understand that you all are a dying
breed, but I hope society can at least be inspired by your innovation before
you become extinct.
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