During
the summer I feel like’s its acceptable, and at times even appropriate, to shed
a few layers and maybe not… uhmm… wear too much clothing. Like, obviously it’s
hot outside, and it’s medically advised to not break out your ski hat and
shoveling mittens in the middle of July. So with this excuse, some of us humans
decide to dance around in our 3-inch-long shorts and transparent lace shirt,
and society considers it conventional. Okay, so whatever, I guess it makes
sense when it’s hot outside. But the line has to be drawn somewhere.
If you
live in Hawaii, Florida, or another tropical climate, first off explain to me
why you’re wasting your damn time reading this purposeless blog. And secondly,
I hereby give you my permission to wear your skanky summer clothes year-round.
Congratulations! Because you live in a temperate climate (which I’m sure must
be just awful to have to deal with), it’s definitely okay for
you to wear tank tops and flip flops 24/7. Unfortunately the rest of us, who
are not as lucky as your suntanned selves, need to follow the rules of
propriety and public decorum.
Honestly,
it’s not that hard to exercise the regulations of modesty. Just practice common
sense. Granted, common sense isn’t altogether too common. But it really isn’t
too problematic to follow your senses. For example, if it’s -20°F
outside, it might not be the smartest idea to break out those cotton printed
micro-shorts you bought last summer at the Louis Vuitton sale.***
Similarly,
if there’s snow on the ground, and you can SEE that there is snow on the
ground, please don’t go squeaking around in a pair of rubber sandals. Just
don’t do it. Unless, of course, you are trying to lower your shoe size and want
your toes to fall out, in which case feel free to squeak away darling.
If
you do choose to wear clothing inappropriate in accordance with the
temperature, do us all a favor and stick to your weather scheme. There is
nothing more annoying that having to look at (and sometimes have to talk to) a
climate-confused snow bunny who thought it would be “totally adorable!” to
match her fuzzy winter boots with a miniskirt, fishnet leggings, and a hooded
parka. Honey, looking at you makes us dizzy. Life is difficult enough without
us having to dissect your outfit and take you to the nearest therapist. Please.
Just stop. What’s that? You don’t know what the temperature is today? Well,
you’re in luck! They make this great little device to help with that... I think
it's called a thermometer? You should consider investing in one.
*** This is a completely
hypothetical situation, seeing as Louis Vuitton prohibits bargain sales, and hasn't had a sale in 154 years.
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