Why are people always in a hurry? Twenty minutes ago, I was
(very slowly, mind you) pulling out of my driveway, when out of nowhere comes a
driver in a black sedan, speeding down the road, honking angrily and making
mean faces. Now, in all fairness, maybe it was a dire emergency. Maybe his wife
was in labor, or his son had just broken his femur. Maybe Panchero’s was having
a $1 burrito sale. But probably not the last one, because I would know about
it. Anyways, watching this rushed middle-aged man doing 60 mph in a residential
area made me realize: everyone nowadays is perpetually in a frantic hurry.
I feel that it is my duty as everyone’s role model to calm
the world down. Let’s do an exercise. Imagine that you are a sponge full of
water. The water inside you is slowly, slowly, leaving your body. You are
completely relaxed. Now, close your eyes. If you are still reading this you are
not relaxing. Dammit, stop reading! Okay, there you go. Much better. The water
has now totally left your body, and you are now fully undisturbed. Great! Now
open your eyes and go live your life in peace.
Just kidding. You probably couldn’t tell, but I’m not a
psychologist or anything. I try to be, though. In all seriousness though, I
think it’s really important to slow down sometimes and really take life for
what it’s worth. If you zoom on by (literally- shout out to you sedan man)
you’ll never realize everything you’re missing out on. For example, how many of
you, while you are rushing off to wherever you need to be that’s so urgent,
take a moment to look at the sky? Nobody? Well, then take a moment and look
upwards! Seriously though, I’m sure there’s a window nearby- look at the damn
sky. Have you ever noticed how pretty the sun and clouds can be? Most likely
you haven’t, because your life is so important that you miss out on all the
other details. Everything is all about you, you, you. Sorry to burst your
bubble, but it’s really not. It’s about ME. So seriously, look at the sky.
PYSCH. I got you all. Secretly, I have a contract with a
major glasses company whose name cannot be disclosed. They’re paying me big
bucks to ruin your corneas. Fortunately, the sun is on my side, and you’re all
super gullible. And here you all (my dedicated fans) thought I was getting deep
and spiritual for once. Wrong. Very wrong.
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