Cigar Suave

Smoking has to be one of the most disgusting and unattractive habits out there. And that is definitely saying something, considering we live in a world where Jersey Shore has become a lifestyle and bull riding is a professional occupation. Personally I don't understand why anyone would want to suck on a rolled up piece of cardboard while simultaneously filling their otherwise healthy lugs with thick layers of tar. Personally.

I'm gonna say this once: if you think you're hot shit by smoking, you're not. But really though, you're not a badass, you're not mature, and nobody thinks you're sophisticated. At all. It doesn't really matter what gender, race, or nationality you are- watching as you hack up your inner organs while blowing smoke circles just isn't appealing whatsoever. I assure you that girls will not be flocking to make out with your sorry ass after you take a couple of deep drags from a Camel. That is a solemn promise via me, your go-to girl for all things pertaining to girls and life in general.

I think old black-and-white films are to blame for the whole premonition that smoking is cool. While watching Humphrey Bogart chewing away on a 1940s cigar in his steel-gray tuxedo, who wouldn't want to imitate his suave? Because let’s just admit that Bogart was the epitome of swag in his era. And then there was always the tall, slinky, bleach- blonde cocktail ladies that hung around him, refilling his wine glasses and being a general annoyance to anyone watching Casablanca. Like excuse me- what happened women's rights?! We are not subservient to you men, even if you are tall, dark, and extremely handsome.

And why are you putting out the example that the aforementioned cigar chomping men get all the hot ladies? Actually, why are you putting out at all? It's okay to tuck in “the girls” for a night. They're already trying to escape your extremely revealing and very body-hugging dress. Please, stay classy. Riddle me this: when you have an unplanned pregnancy, and cigar-man’s lovechild is being created in your previously skinny stomach, who is going to support you? Not cigar-man, that’s for sure. He’s too busy exposing all of his other mistresses to his second-hand smoke. Looks like you’re shit outta luck sweetie. Maybe you’ll have a better break next time! Or maybe not… chances are high that the child in your uterus is slowly but steadily creating his own love for cigarettes and will also become a heavy smoker. Have fun living with a chimney.

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