Yesterday I went to the Iowa vs.
Iowa State football game. The game itself was really fun (even though Iowa
lost) but the activities associated with pre-gaming were not so attractive.
First off, this was my first time going to a two o clock game- mostly my family
and I just go to the 7 pm ones. Obviously there is a lot of tailgating and
juvenile stupidity associated with all football games, but I honestly never
would have thought that it would start so early in the day.
Since this was a college game,
there's obviously some pretty reckless students that show up, deciding its a
good idea to drink and smoke and show the world how hardcore they think they
are. But then there's also the "oldies". The oldies are the women
(and sometimes men) who think they are still living young. These are the hoochy
mama wannabes that come to the games in their college-logo printed miniskirts
and tight fitted tube tops thinking they look sexier than megan fox in a
bikini. If you are a hoochy mama reading this I'm sorry but you need a reality
check. Just stop. You are not hot shit. Leave your revealing-clothing-wearing antics
back in your prime where they belong and go back to your knit sweaters and
mom-jeans. I'm begging you. Society is begging you.
Now for the college badasses- don't
think you're off the hook just because the hoochy mamas of the world were
bashed first. Let me just start off by saying- you're not nearly as cool as you
think you look. In fact, you look pretty damn idiotic downing six-packs of
miller lite before noon. Hey blondie over there? Yeah you. You just flashed
your hot pink thong at everyone and your boyfriend snapped a picture. I'm sure
mommy back at home is going to be thrilled when she sees that on Facebook
tomorrow. And you? Yes I'm talking to you. Please stop dancing. If the weird
flailing movements you're creating can even be called "dancing". Your
hands just bumped into blondie's best friend's chest (which in your defense is
spilling everywhere... But still). Judging by the look on her face you are most
likely going to wake up tomorrow with a black eye and a horrible reputation.
Haha jokes on you booze-man.
Moral of the story: when at
football games, please cover yourself in appropriate attire and watch your
alcohol intake. Or don't and get judged by the rest of us college football
fans. The ones that are sober enough to judge you anyways.
WordCount: 427
No comments:
Post a Comment