Publicizing for JLo

  What music do you listen to? I get asked this all the time. I think it’s supposed to be a topic starter or something, but honestly it’s an irritating question. This is probably because I don’t have a favorite music type. Or maybe it’s just because I don’t like talking to people in general. But in all fairness, I don’t think that what you listen to should define you as a person. Or maybe it should… lets just think about this for a second. What if by first glance we could tell what people listened to? Country music fans would automatically be freckled hicks in tied up checkered shirts, ripped jeans, and a tendency to chew on stray pieces of barley. Honey boo-boo redneck style. Jazz lovers wouldn’t stop tapping their feet or swaying from side to side. It would get very annoying very fast- imagine trying to pee in a public bathroom with a jazz lover tapping away in the stall next to you. If we continue with this analogy, Latino enthusiasts would either be curvaceous thick-haired Hispanic women or scrawny tanned little men with awkward facial hair and greased back locks (Shoutouts go to JLo and Marc Anthony- I used them as visualizations for this one. Hope they aren’t too offended… in reality they should be thanking me for all the free publicizing I’m doing for them on this super popular blog).

Heavy metal fanatics would be the worst. They would be the annoyingly loud neighbors, the rowdy teen partiers, and the screeching raccoons that tip over garbage cans in the middle of the night. The worst crowds would be the pop music supporters. You know exactly the individuals who are being referring to here. I’m talking about the people who only listen to the Top 40 and mainstream hits. In a world where our music defines us, these would be the ones who didn’t know where they were going or what they were doing. They would be the followers, the line of baby ducklings, trying to find something to preach about. “We were born this way!” they would shout at us. “I got dat SUPER BASS!” they would yell. The worst part is that I listen to all the aforementioned musical genres (and more), making me the local community jester. I would be a barley-chewing, garbage-tipping, slightly stubbly, curvy pop preacher. I would have greater issues than a sperm donor baby-daddy on Dr. Phil and more personas than all of Snow White’s dwarves combined.

Moral of the story: please people. Let everybody listen to what they want to listen to. And don’t be that opinion-flaunting jerk everyone hates. Please judge us in your free time behind our backs when we’re not listening. I really hope you all can see how serious of an issue this music judgment is. I also hope this inspires you to please stop asking others about their music preferences. Or at least prevents you from listening to the blues while you’re taking a leak.

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