The Class Caste

Going to a public school, I have come to notice that there are different types of class in the world. There is a caste system based on class, which will from now on be known as The Class Caste. To begin with, there is the “high-class prostitute” type of classy. This type of classiness requires a wardrobe full of tight pencil skirts, low-cut blouses, 6-inch heels, and an overly bitchy attitude. Someone needs to tell the girls in this class caste to calm the fuck down and cover themselves up, unless they want to end up in the back of a white van with a middle-aged man waving stacks of cash in front of their wide mascara-covered eyes.

Then, there is the “risqué” class caste, made up primarily by hot-pink fishnet stockings and neon high-tops. These are the kids who think they have a future in rapping/break-dancing/being in a band and that if they stop trying to get an education and only focus in rapping/break-dancing/being in a band it will ultimately benefit them. These are also the kids who are very sadly mistaken.

Worse than these future-welfare-collectors are the “ghetto” kids straight from the hood, with so much swag that they can’t seem to be able to walk in a straight line. Since selling meth to 13-year-olds is such a profitable business, their pockets become so full of cash that they can’t even keep their pants up, and have to walk around with their Superman boxers peeking out above their Louis Vuitton pleather belts (which are very obviously not doing their job).  

A little more publicly suitable (but not much) is the “tired-out” class caste, consisting of the children who think that not only can they wear monochromatic gray sweat-sets in public, but that if they are the same shade of gray then it’s socially acceptable. If I had to guess, I would say these are the students who have decided that they have given up caring about what people think of them, and are focusing on their “inner beauty”, and blah blah blah. I have no words for this caste except to say- come on. At least pretend you’re making an effort. How about going crazy for a day and mixing it up, eh? What about trying out some… gasp… jeans? It wouldn’t kill you to brush your hair either.

Lastly, there are the “borings” who always wear normal clothes to school and are very much less entertaining than any of the aforementioned class castes. They usually wear jeans, shirts, hoodies, sweaters, and 80% of the time have on matching socks. This class caste contributes nothing for the gossips to talk about, and gives teachers faith that maybe there is some hope for our generation after all.

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