Survival Of The Fittest

Girls cry. A lot. It’s not like we can control it, and it’s not like we choose to let our emotions loose on purpose. It’s just a response to random occurrences in our lives. One minute we’re jogging down the sidewalk trying to get a good workout to burn off the slice of chocolate cake we had for lunch, when we happen to run past a dog that looks just like Marley, and suddenly the next minute Niagara Falls is pouring down our carefully makeup-clad faces as we have a minor flashback to when we first watched that adorably depressing movie. It’s almost a medical condition.

Honestly, sometimes I just wonder if females are all just a little bit bipolar. Like maybe there’s something about having two X chromosomes that just makes us all drastically more susceptible to mood swings and a tendency to change our disposition at the drop of a hat. Anyone who’s ever had contact with a woman (which I would hope is everyone in this world) knows that all it really takes to change a girl’s mood is a few goddamn words- whether that be for the better or worse is entirely up to the context of the situation and the woman in question.

You would think that by now this gene for emotional instability would have died off. Natural selection always favors the strongest members of a species to pass on their genes to the next generation, so that the offspring have the highest chance for survival possible- it’s the survival of the fittest (welcome to your crash course in evolutionary theory). So maybe there is some kind of evolutionary advantage to being moody and weepy.

If I had to guess, I’d bet it has something to do with the fact that temperamental crying women terrify anyone and everyone around them. In the past, any annoying woman who burst into tears every four damn minutes probably scared away everyone around her and most likely exhausted all options for a second relationship after her first husband divorced her unstable self. So here’s this woman who’s already passed on her emotional gene to her daughter, but is now safe from any stress since she’s no longer married. Boom. How’s that for an evolutionary advantage?

This isn’t to say that every woman ever is emotionally tipsy. Just most of us are. Obviously there are some exceptions to the rule, such as female politicians, who are stone-faced and have zero feelings whatsoever, and sorority resident assistants, whose perpetually perky attitude would suggest they only have good days and better days. The rest of us girls, however, are wonderfully and abnormally emotional.

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