I'm Not Promoting Bullying

Is there anything worse than a group project? No. No there is not. Regardless of who’s in your group or how hard you try to get along with everyone (even the weird girl who sits behind you in class who only wears baggy Wal-Mart sweatpants and hasn’t showered for months), there will always be some sort of conflict. Either you’ll end up being the person who does literally everything for your thankless group of misfits, or you’ll end up being the person who gets blamed for not doing anything at all. There is no basically no in-between, and you’re always wrong, no matter what what you do. Always.

The most difficult part of the whole fucking situation is that there are no “perfect partners” for group projects. If it’s a randomly assigned task then you can’t be assertive since you’re dealing with complete strangers who may or may not own guns at home. If you get to pick your partners you’re obviously going to pick your friends. Which is a huge mistake seeing as you still can’t be assertive because you need people in life to make you feel loved and have Netflix marathons with on the weekends. So you’re basically screwed either way. Basically the best kind of partners for a group project would be extremely intelligent people with no opinion whatsoever. Like an Asian scarecrow, for example. Or ideally, someone younger who you can bully around.

Just for clarification, I’m not promoting bullying. Not in the least. In fact I am really truly very adamantly against any and all forms of harassment. My apologies for giving you the wrong idea, I really hope you’re not judging me too much. But I’m sure we can all agree that life would be much easier if everyone would just listen to all of your ideas and let you take charge of everything. Without you having to do much work, of course, since you’re a lazy bum just like the rest of us.

Which is why group projects, which teachers think are supposed to teach students teamwork and endurance and how to get along with your useless classmates usually just end up teaching us that the best way to do a group project is to pick the smartest people in your class and sit back while they do all the work and you supervise and make executive decisions. Kind of like being in the real world, isn’t it? I guess teachers taught us some sort of life skill after all.

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