One Fish Two Fish

      What has four legs, green scales, and a tendency to bark loudly at strangers? The pet store. The most adorable, indecisive place on the entire planet. Entering the pet store is a strange and unusual punishment for all animal lovers- once you go in, there's little to no chance you'll be able to come out entirely satisfied with your life and/or the amount of pets you currently own. You know you want that adorable golden retriever puppy with the huge chocolate colored eyes. And you feel like absolute shit because you're shamelessly hating on that adorable gap-toothed messy toddler in overalls for taking the last gerbil just seconds before you came over. Basically there's no way you can leave a pet store happy.

  God bless your poor soul if you actually came into the store knowing exactly what species of dog/cat/bird/hamster/fish you wanted. Because dammit, that's probably not going to be the only animal you buy. It's not too hard at first. You walk into the store, strutting a little bit, feeling like the goddamn king of the entire fucking world because you're buying a goldfish. Hell yeah. But the trouble starts as soon as that first fish you were going to buy gets put into those little plastic bags they give you to take the fish home. And you're standing there with your lonely fish just staring at the rest of the little amphibious creatures in their tanks wondering why you can't buy just one more. One fish, two fish. Red fish, blue fish. And pretty soon you're standing there with 200 fishy bags in your hands and not a clue about what just happened.

  But darling, it doesn't stop there. The pet store salespeople are sneaky little bastards. "Why not buy a bigger fish tank?" they ask. "I really think you're going to want a new state-of-the-art filter" they'll suggest. And you, being the clueless moron that you are, are going to just step right into their trippy little traps. It won't be until much later, when you're sitting at home surrounded by your two hundred fish, that you'll realize that you really didn't need that state-of-the-art filter at all. Or any filter really. And a few minutes later you're going to realize just how much money you really spent in that godforsaken pet store. This is usually the part where you'll start checking all the couches in your house for spare change to pay for your gas, electricity bills, and college tuition. In your miserly condition, you'll probably end up having your beloved fish for dinner sometime or another. Oops. 

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